More Than a Moment

One Christmas a few years ago, I had gotten caught up in the racing around and stressing out that too often characterizes the entire month of December. It was a few days before Christmas, the last day the kids were to go to school and I desperately wanted to find a moment. A moment to simply relax by the Christmas tree with a crackling fire in the fireplace and Christmas music in the air, sip my hot tea and read the Word and talk to Jesus. Not a bad desire, right? It was my last chance for a moment like this.

I got everything ready. The music was playing; the tea was made. I made sure the damper was open and lit the fire. That’s when everything began to unravel. Smoke decided the path of least resistance was the living room instead of the chimney. I blew; I fanned; I checked the damper. Did you know there’s no way to put out those five hour logs? I eventually got the smoke to go the right direction, but not before the room had a nice coating of soot, my tea was cold and my eyes were watering so bad that I couldn’t see to read. Hacking, frazzled and disheveled. Moment over.

I have this dichotomy working within me: I want to rest, but I love to accomplish things. My personal philosophy is, work first, then rest. But I find that I set myself up so optimistically with all I think I can get done, that “rest” turns out to be a mirage that I never quite reach! When I decide to take a rest anyway, I have this strange guilt that haunts me and I receive no pleasure from it. The worst is when I actually have “earned” my rest and it gets sabotaged! That’s when I start asking, “Okay, Lord, what’s up? What are You trying so hard to get through to me?”

Oftentimes when I’m praying, the Lord will encourage me to rest. (Doesn’t He know all I have to get done?) What exactly is He saying to me? As I’ve walked through trying time and again to learn this lesson, I’ve come to a conclusion. (Keep in mind, I know what I’m supposed to do – I don’t always do it!) My rest is not always something I am supposed to do; it is supposed to be something I have. No matter what is going on around me, I have the ability (though I argue otherwise) to choose to have a restful spirit. Does God want me to just sit down every once in a while and just do nothing? Of course, but He wants something even better for me than that. More important to Him is that I am a restful person. I think so many of the curveballs I am thrown are nothing more than tests. Am I going to trust that God orders my day and choose to keep my heart at rest?

It seems God gives me plenty of opportunities to learn this lesson all year long, but December is the final exam! I don’t think I’ve ever had so many curveballs thrown at me as I did yesterday. I could bore you with the details, but suffice it to say, it all comes down to my own choice (dog gone it!), whether or not I remain at rest amidst the hubbub. Do I trust God enough with my life to let Him take my day, turn it upside down and shake it out? I still hope to find my “moment” this Christmas season, but I want more than a moment, I want a lifestyle – a lifestyle of rest and peace that is the result of trust.

“You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.” Isaiah 26:3

Sucker Punched By Love

In our family, we take turns leading devotions on a subject of our own choosing. We’ve done it for a several months now and it’s been a lot of fun. It’s also been fun to see how each of us chooses distinct topics. Tim chooses big, worldview topics. Aly (age 18) wants to discuss points of Scripture that are often argued over or controversial. I teach practical application of the Word. Abby (age 17 in two weeks), well, Abby was a little hard for me to classify in the beginning. She is so effervescent and fun-loving. She comes in the family room with her laptop, beaming from ear to ear and with ebullience announces she wants to teach on “joy” or “love.” Everything she says is punctuated with exclamation points, smiles and hearts and I think, “Aww. How sweet. What a nice little lesson.” That’s when it happens: She hits me right between the eyes.

It’s one thing when she’s talking about love and defining it. It’s a whole other animal when she makes it personal and begins convicting you with every word! Sweetly she reads 1 Corinthians 13. I’ve heard it more times than I can count, but then she asks the fatal question: “How patient are we really?” and follows that with, “If we really love one another, I think we’d be more patient and kind.” Oh dear. I’m shifting uncomfortably on the couch now as I recall my lack of patience that very morning. She shares that for the last week, she’s been focusing on one of the attributes of love per day. I think, “I can do that! I can take one attribute of love as described in 1 Corinthians 13 each day and focus on it!” ….Uh huh, not quite so easy!

Next morning: Love is patient. I’m pretty sure I had gotten out of bed before the first temptation to be impatient came (maybe not). Yet, I am not deterred! I grit my teeth, smile warmly at the offender and whisper to myself, “Love is patient!” It’s remarkable how well God can set us up to show us exactly where we need improving! It turns out that being patient with those around me is the main area of love that I struggle with. After working through 1 Corinthians 13 several times now, I can pretty much predict that my “Love is patient” day is going to get interesting! Of course, I rarely have issues with those outside my home, but why is it that those inside my home receive the worst of me?

Why is growing in love so important? As Paul says in that same chapter after listing the three most important qualities of a Christian (faith, hope and love), he profoundly adds, “But the greatest of these is love.” Why? Along with other reasons (love being our identifying badge as Christians, the means by which the world may be attracted to Jesus, etc.), I believe one of the main reasons love is so vital to our Christian walk is that it does, in fact, remain. When all else has faded, when we are in heaven and faith and hope are no longer necessary because we will then see with our own eyes, love will still have its place. It is the major thing that we must work at getting right here on earth as it will still be required in heaven. When everything else we strive for in our spiritual walks on this earth is no longer used in the same way, love will exist throughout eternity.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Failure

As I look back over my life, I often don’t see it as a string of successes. Oftentimes I see my life more as a succession of failures. There seem to be a number of things I’ve tried that have simply bombed or failed to really take off the way I had hoped. Worst of all, I see several things that I started and didn’t succeed at because I didn’t follow through to the extent required for success. Sometimes, in my more melancholy moments, I feel that I have not only failed at some things, but that I, myself, am a failure. Naturally, in those moments, confirmation of my miserable state come at me from the enemy of my soul. He brings to mind voices from my past (or even present) that speak their condemnation. Heck, I even had a teacher in Junior High who nicknamed me, “Aimless.”

Suddenly, I realize who has been whispering these thoughts into my ear and choose to tune in to the right voice. I tune in to what my Father in heaven says of me. He created me for a purpose (Jeremiah 29:11). He has called me with a holy calling (2 Timothy 1:9). He will never leave me nor forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6). I am His treasured possession (Exodus 19:5).

Nevertheless, while I was thinking this over yet again the other day, I had a bit of an epiphany. What if God had not only watched all those failures of mine, but had actually orchestrated them? What if all my failures happened in order that I might continue along the path until I came upon the thing I was supposed to be focusing on? What if by saying “no” to all those things I thought I wanted, God was saying “yes” to what would truly fulfill me? What if those failures could actually be seen as gifts, as loving, though painful, nudges toward the right thing? Like a shepherd’s staff pushing me toward the green pastures and away from the briars I thought would fill my hunger.

Of course, I would prefer that God had just let me avoid all those pains and just lifted me up and carried me to the green pastures, but what would I be like if He had? What weak legs I would have! There is a maturity and a depth of relationship that grows through failure. It’s like letting a child play a sport you know they aren’t gifted in. It may be a disappointment to them when they come to the realization that they will not be the team’s three point hero, but that disappointment can be the catalyst to many positive outcomes. When failure is handled properly, it can lead to releasing a lesser dream for a greater one; it can cause you to appreciate more thoroughly true success; it can teach countless lessons in empathy, the love of God for imperfect humans, patient endurance, and strength of character. It can lead you forward.

Joseph endured the injustice of his brothers who threw him in a pit and sold him into slavery. It appeared as a failure of all the visions and dreams God had given him. And yet God intended him for something even bigger and better than he had imagined. Jewish tradition holds that when Joseph returned to Canaan to bury his father he blessed that pit into which his brothers had thrown him. That depth, that place of apparent failure, was the catalyst that brought about not only the saving of the future nation of Israel, but also matured a rather bratty younger brother into a forgiving ruler.

So today, along with offering all my best to my Father, I will offer up my failures. May they be counted as heartfelt attempts to be a blessing and fulfill my calling. In that light, not even my failures have been in vain; all is given in worship to my Lord. Praise God for my failures, for they have brought me to where I am and made me who I am.

“And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you.” Genesis 45:5

Home

One day a few months ago, as Tim and I were joining with our church on a homeless outreach, I met a man with a cowboy hat, a leather vest and boots. He was quite confused and went on and on about having lost his horse and saddle and having his guns taken away. Trying to ascertain his name, the most he would offer was, “Cowboy.” The more we chatted the clearer his thoughts seemed to become and the more I learned that this dear man had been all over our nation, but could never regain the place he knew in his heart he should be. He should be on a ranch, on the back of his horse (whom he called his friend), with his other “friends,” his pair of colt rifles. Though he looked the part of a rancher, he was most profoundly homeless.

Cowboy broke my heart that day, but I know God’s heart breaks for everyone who is homeless, not just those who have lost their physical home, but those whose hearts are without their Home. Just as Cowboy, we can look the part – we can look like we’re living, look like we belong, look like we have it together and yet be completely lost. We can know there is something that we are longing for beyond ourselves and still be utterly without the means of reaching it.

Everyone’s heart will be homeless until they find the only true Home offered: Jesus Christ. In Him we find all those things we have longed for, all those things we hope to attain in life. Though we could almost taste it, we were never able to take hold of it until He made it possible. As C.S. Lewis states, “If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is a fraud. Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing.”

So many things in the world promise us this Home, but fall so far short of what we feel deeply in our souls should be attainable. We long for that Home, for that place of fully knowing and being fully known – and though known inside and out, loved in spite of ourselves. No matter where or in whom we seek to find that Home in this decaying world, it will not be found. But the good news is: it does exist, not outside our reach, but knocking right at the door. Jesus is our Home.

“Jesus replied, ‘If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.’” John 14:23

“So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind…. What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men.” Ecclesiastes 2:17, 3:9-11

Crushed Cans

My daughter collects old soda cans and redeems them for cash. We laughingly call it her car fund. Pretty pathetic, I know, but we have hope that one day all that crushed and dirty aluminum will amount to something!

I was thinking about the pile in our garage of stinky, sticky crushed cans the other Sunday morning. At our church we sing this amazing song that is all about how we are redeemed. We shout about how we are the redeemed of the Lord. I love the song and every time we sing it, I think about those cans. That may sound like a train of thought way out of line for a worship service, but actually, that thought makes me marvel all the more at God’s graciousness to me.

Why? Because I am a crushed can. To most eyes, I am trash and worthy of being discarded. But in God’s eyes, I have value. He pulls me out of the trash heap and says, “I can do something with this messy little can. It may not look like much and it has been stepped on, crushed, and even broken, but it still has value.”

In the book of Romans, Paul talks about being redeemed, saying that our redemption was paid for by Christ Jesus. The term Paul uses for redemption there is a term that was used in the slave trade of the time. It was used when some generous person saw a slave that, for whatever reason, had no business being a slave and he chose to purchase that slave to freedom. And that is just what Jesus has done for us. Consider the slave, Onesimus, discussed in the book of Philemon. Paul is writing to his friend Philemon and what he says about Onesimus is precisely what Jesus chooses to say to God the Father for slaves like me. Listen to it and image your Redeemer, Jesus, saying it on your behalf. “So if you consider me a partner, welcome him as you would welcome me. If he has done you any wrong or owes you anything, charge it to me. I… am writing this with my own hand. I will pay it back.” Philemon 17-19

Let Jesus take you and wash you clean. Let Him remove the label from you that others have placed on you. Let Him make you into a new vessel, one fit for His service and His awesome purpose. The old adage that God doesn’t make junk is true, but it’s also true that when the world turns the beautiful thing that God created into junk, He can redeem it, pull it out of the heap and make it new.

“Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God?… And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” 1 Corinthians 6:9, 11

The Scent of Humannness

One morning as I stared out my kitchen window, something caught my eye. A group of birds were all in one area of the yard acting very strangely. As I looked closer, I could see in the middle of the crowd of birds, a baby bird. At first I wondered if they were attacking it, but I soon realized that the poor baby bird had fallen out of the tree overhead and the birds were surrounding it to protect it. My heart went out to the adult birds who, without hands, were helpless to return the baby to the nest. The thought flashed to me that I could gently lift the bird back to its safe home. But as soon as I had the thought, I realized it was folly. The adult birds would see me as a predator instead of a savior and peck me mercilessly! Even if I were successful the adults would reject the baby bird that now smelled to them more of human than of bird.

Occasionally, I have thought that I am the chosen instrument of change in someone’s life. Ah, yes, if they could but listen to what I knew they needed to fix or change, all would be right and they would gratefully acknowledge my sagacity. I could fix them! I could make them a list and they could fix all that was wrong with them! Shocking as it was for me to realize, Jesus never did this, even with His disciples. He teaches; He corrects; He even rebukes, but He never told them everything that was wrong about them. He never gave them a “What You Could Improve On” list – and couldn’t you just imagine the length of the one He could’ve made for Peter? Why didn’t He say to Peter, “Look, Buddy. You’ve got to get over yourself. You think you can rebuke everybody, even me! You say the stupidest things without even thinking! Do you realize how ridiculous you sound when you say things like you’re gonna build three tabernacles for me, Moses and Elijah? You have a real issue with pride and not thinking before you speak. You’re all talk and no follow through. You better work on these things so that I can use you.” Nope, it never happened. Yet, in the Lord’s own perfect timing, Peter learns what he needs to learn and in the way he needs to learn it.

Of course, as parents we are called to teach and train the children in our home continually. It is our duty to be mirrors to them; showing them what is lacking. But even in this relationship in which we’ve been given authority, we don’t bombard our kids with everything at once. And we certainly don’t presume that authority with others around us. Unless there is a God-given moment, a clear directive from God, anything that I attempt to do of my own power in the life of another is going to have the smell of humanness on it and it will be rejected. Even when I have the best of intentions, I must restrain my desire to fix and just love as Jesus loves. Casting our pearls and getting trampled is going to be our lot in life as long as we are presumptuous enough to believe we are the Holy Spirit in flesh sent to educate those around us as to the ills of their own behaviors.

Naturally, there are times we need to speak up, but I’m afraid they are much less frequent than some of us were hoping. The Holy Spirit must be our guide, Jesus must be our example, the log must be out of our own eye and Love must be our motivation and our method. The fragrance that wafts behind where we walk ought to the fragrance of the Creator, not this decaying creation.

“If I … can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge…, but have not love, I am nothing.” 1Corinthians 13:2

SWING!

Okay. I don’t want to shock anyone, but I’m about to say something pretty un-American. Forgive me in advance, but honestly, I don’t like baseball. To me it is a boring, drawn out game. Now if the bases were frequently loaded and the bottom on the ninth came a little faster, you might not need a seventh inning stretch to wake everyone back up! Sorry.

This is why I found it so interesting when the Lord gave me a baseball analogy! (Also how I knew it was Him speaking, not just me!) This is what I felt He said to me: “You strike out equally whether you swing and miss or if you fail to swing when you should.”

It seems that too often I am content to let balls fly by me, good balls! Too often I am just standing there with my bat resting on my shoulder and making excuses why this one was too far out or came at me too fast. I better start swinging or I’m never going to get in the game! I can miss the entire game of life just waiting for a pitch that suits me just right.

“But what if I should miss?” is one of my biggest excuses. What if I make all that effort and then look like a fool for trying so hard and missing so thoroughly? My past failures loom and taunt me into frustrated complacency. But in “the old ball game” there are always more swings than hits. Why should life be any different? If I fail, I should at least go down trying and giving it my all, not sitting back too fearful to take a swing at it. Life isn’t all about succeeding; it’s about trying and growing. How many times did Abraham Lincoln run for political office and lose? How many attempts did Edison make at a light bulb? How many times am I willing to try?

A friend asked me one time, “What would you attempt if you knew you couldn’t fail?” Wow. That opens up the windows of my thinking to all kinds of possibilities. If I feel God is pitching me the ball, I’d better take a whack at it! No second guessing; no worrying about my own image if I mess it all up. We say we are willing to give Him our all, but only when we are positive it’s a sure thing. Personally, I’ve had enough of guarded surrenders! So what if I swing and miss – I will have played the game.

“Run in such a way as to get the prize.” 1 Corinthians 9:24

Surgery

About sixteen years ago, I had surgery on my wrist. Don’t worry; I’ll spare you the gory details. Suffice it to say that, although my doctor recommended a general anesthetic, I thought I’d be brave and have a “local” (BIG mistake). Before they put my arm to “sleep,” they put a sheet up so I couldn’t see. I was lying on my back and the doctor held my hand up as he administered the local. Unbeknownst to me, he then laid my arm down to work on it. Because my arm was deadened, I still felt that it was held aloft and, because of the sheet, I couldn’t see where it really was. As the surgery commenced, I felt the need to help him hold my arm up and as time passed I developed a severe cramp in my shoulder, back and neck from the effort of holding up an arm that was actually laying flat on a table. (Brilliant, eh?)

Perhaps it’s my personality, more likely just my humanness, but I often find myself doing the same thing with God. There are things I’ve given to Him, entrusted to Him, yet I still feel I must maintain my grip, influence and control over the situation. The more I hold on when He’s told me to let Him do surgery, the more I get in His way and only inflict pain upon myself. I worry and fret and have the audacity to think that the God of the universe, Who holds all in His capable hands, needs my help.

I know there are times when God calls me to act, to even partner with Him in order for me to grow stronger, but honestly I know there are times He’s told me to place something in His Hands, lay down and let Him do surgery. There are times when a situation is so big that He is the only One who can do it. He lovingly tells me that I need to simply let Him do the work, not try to fix things myself. And I rarely grow more than when I am called upon to trust Him implicitly. The strength that comes through those experiences is rarely acquired by any other experience.

The Israelites in captivity in Babylon had difficulty with this lesson as well. Jeremiah had told them that they would be there 70 years, that they should settle down and make themselves at home in this strange new land. But they did not want to believe it; this was not what they wanted to hear! They wanted to believe that they would go home immediately. However, as they began to listen to Jeremiah’s message, God did a new thing in their hearts and in their community. Their captivity solidified them as a community and made them even richer in their heritage. As for their hearts, they no longer were able to sacrifice and worship at their beloved temple, so a greater dedication to prayer and a new internal devotion to God and His law was born. When they finally left Babylon, they left stronger for the experience.

Just as my wrist is better now that I submitted to the surgery, my life will be better as I submit to the surgery God needs to perform and allow His wisdom and plan to reign in my life. To let go sounds so easy, but can be the hardest thing to do. Although trusting God with the outcome of something sounds so logical, when the rubber meets the road, it is difficult to let Him have things that are dear to us. But God does not drop the ball. We can entrust ourselves to our loving Physician, knowing that He alone knows the best thing for us.

“He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.” Psalm 23:2-3

Don’t Give Up!

How often do we give up before we reap a harvest? How often are we so close to a breakthrough that we can almost taste it and then walk away? I’m afraid it is far too often.

I remember while I was in transition during the labor with one of my daughters. I was in the thick of the effort to remain relaxed during the intense contractions (this is unmedicated childbirth, mind you), when I turned to my family that was coaching nearby and said the first thing that came to my mind: “You guys finish up here; I’m going home, okay?” Logically it made no sense, but it’s a common sentiment. Regardless of whether or not it is wise or even possible, we all desire to be as far from pain as possible and tend to give up when things get the hardest.

Suspending logic, what would have happened if I had been able to follow through on my desire that day? I would have walked away from the pain, but also the long awaited reward. I wouldn’t have held that precious, warm, pink bundle and squealed over her beauty and my love for her. In fact, if we choose to walk away because of the pain, it seems to me that the pain is all we are left with. Terah, the father of Abraham did this when God called him to a new place, but he chose to settle in Haran (oddly, the place with the same name as his dead son). One of the saddest lines is, “they settled there… and he died in Haran.” He settled for the place of pain instead of pressing through to Canaan. The children of Israel choose not fight the giants and walked away from the Promised Land. They had made all but the final effort and then died in their pain instead of their Promised Land.

How often have I done this in my own life? I was on a swim team as a youngster, but it got difficult and I quit practicing. Therefore, I am not good enough to compete, but I have the swimmer’s ear and the shoulder problems to remind me. I was in ballet as a girl, but it too was difficult. Life got busy and I was tired, so I quit. So I don’t dance as I would wish, but I have the foot problems to this day. How many marriages have fallen apart because when things got difficult, it was easier to walk away than walk through? How many parents have been able to do the fun things, but when hard decisions were called for, they couldn’t be endured?

In the agrarian age, many families could not make the previous year’s food harvest last until the next year’s harvest. This time became known as the “starving time” because that is literally what they were doing while they waited for their new harvest to ripen. But if they could just hold on through the pain, the abundance of the year would be theirs.

Don’t walk away from all that God has for you. Come into all that your effort has qualified you for. Don’t back down in the face of pain, press through it.

“But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.” Hebrews 10:39

Gratitude

Recently, Tim & I were faced with one of the most financially stressful experiences we’d ever faced. We, jointly with two other couples, built a home as a real estate investment in the mountains in order to sell. Of course, as we all know, the housing market exploded and we were left with painful payments and dashed hopes. Naturally, we were all praying the Lord would bring a buyer, but we were told repeatedly that nothing was selling on the mountain and certainly not for what we were asking (which was just enough to pay off the bank and the realtors). It looked hopeless and that we might lose much more than just our investment. Suddenly (love that word), we received a phone call from our realtor. He had a cash offer on our home for an unbelievable amount! With great rejoicing, gratitude and celebration, we closed the sale quickly and without any further damage to our own finances. Praise God it was over!

The celebrating had scarcely faded when I became extremely concerned over the next financial hurdles I saw looming in the not distant enough distance. How ungrateful and unbelieving is that? Had not God just done this great thing for me? Had He not moved miraculously on my behalf? How could I doubt that He would come through now?

Just like the Israelites in the wilderness, I see the seas split, the Egyptians die, the manna falling from heaven and I still want to know where the meat is going to come from! It’s as though I have a cosmic “Honey Do” list for God. As soon as He gets one thing checked off the list I’ve created, I want to know when He’s going to get on to the next task I have lined up for Him.

If we are to know God experientially, we must let these experiences truly soak into our souls. Too often, though I am grateful in the moment, they slide right off my back instead of soaking in. I get that “What have you done for me lately?” mentality. Because I haven’t taken the opportunity to soak it all in and spiritually build a monument of praise to God for His wonderful deeds on my behalf, I can’t quite recall why I have the ability to trust in Him.

In my personal effort to combat what my mom and I begrudgingly refer to as “Teflon Brain” (nothing sticks), I began a little journal about two years ago in which I jot down a few things I am grateful to the Lord for each evening. I try to be specific and not included just the obvious, but the little things that have touched my heart that day, whether it’s my grandson running to me with open arms yelling, “Grandmama!” or a word of encouragement from a friend. I am slowly, but surely, learning to be more grateful, to recall that I am the child of an august Father and to go to bed happier.

“…they will proclaim the works of God and ponder what he has done.” Psalm 64:9